Hey Rudy. I really need some relationship advice. I love this guy, and I’m pregnant by him, but I feel stupid for being his girl. I journal often and one day I wrote about what we’ve been dealing with. It’s called “Feeling Fishy”, read it and then let me know your advice.
Feeling Fishy
by Anonymous
I love you Jesus, but I have some things on my chest that I have to let go of. I trust you Jesus, and I know things won’t be this way for long. But there’s somethings on my chest I just have to say now to let it out of me, so please forgive me and help me now lord, Amen.
Fed up
I’m tired of crying, I’m tired of being broke, I’m tired of not being shit, I’m tired of not knowing what I am going to be and how I’m going to get there. I’m tired of feeling like a dummy and not knowing where it came from. I used to be smart, I actually knew how to write a paper, now I’m running to the internet just to get a start on one.
In a Box
I blame it on all them long high school nights on the phone with John Doe, that radiation had to have kilt my brain cells or it was that reggie I used to smoke with Kobe and Tony. I never really got high, but Kobe would pick me up in her Oldsmobile and not even tell me where we were going lol. But I never had to give her gas money so I’m not complaining – with her funny self. THAT’S MY GIRL! She always makes me laugh, her and my friend Tia. Them together and I’m liable to pee myself laughing so hard, haha. I should probably call them now, even with all this stuff going on. If I told them what I’ve been going through they would take it and turn it into jokes, and I would finally laugh for once. I can’t remember the last time someone made me laugh. Like one of those laughs you can’t control.
Maybe that’s why John Doe thinks I’m so miserable now. Because I don’t laugh or maybe it’s because I go through all his shit. Anything I can get my hands on of his I’m more than likely going to go through it. But really, it’s his fault, his cheating, no having feelings ass. He embarrasses me! Even while I’m carrying his child. Boy oh boy I have a long list of stuff that boy has done to me. He’s not the only reason I’m the way I am today but he’s played a big role, him and my dad. But at least my dad is nice to me most of the time; not John Doe anymore. He’s part of the reason I mentioned me not being shit at the beginning because in so many words he tells me that. He tells me that I’m miserable, he tells me that I’m a Bitch and that he hates me and everything else that nobody else besides me, his mom and cousin knows about. Me carrying his child doesn’t mean anything to him. So, for the woman that gets pregnant to keep the man – it doesn’t work. That wasn’t my case, I just got pregnant accidentally, but I’ve learned that it doesn’t mean shit to the man, the pregnancy that is, not the baby. Yea, and now he wants to tell me he doesn’t feel comfortable having sex with me anymore, while I’m 7 1/2 months pregnant. But Karma is a bitch.
Loosing control
I did nothing to that man! I tried to prevent having sex with him until I went to see the doctor because after he ignored my phone calls all night, then I caught him going back to his friend’s house at 5:30 AM that same day in my truck, I wasn’t able to trust his lying ass! Plus, I found out he was texting this known hoe, so I really don’t trust him. So, the next time we had sex I made him use a condom.
Well, a few days later I started to get this fishy smell, so I used my good soap all week, drank some cranberry juice because I felt a UTI coming too. But neither of them went away so I scheduled a doctor’s appointment, but he couldn’t wait until then and I thought it might have been gone so we had sex a day before my appointment. Well, he smelt it. Although I warned him about everything the night before, he smelt it the next morning.
Regret
My fault though, as a classy woman I should have never let it go down until I saw a doctor, but I didn’t, now he’s acting like I’m nasty. Even though he was about to fuck a bitch that had chlamydia, yea, Devine. That bitch was supposed to be my friend, but naw, they were gonna team up together to humiliate my ass. Smh. The crazy things is I’m still with his no-good ass. I’m better than that. I wasn’t put here to compete with hoes like Kennedy and Devine. And furthermore, it’s his fault I had the smell! Either he was sticking his dick somewhere else or I’m allergic to condoms, but I’m not nasty. Period.
Hi Sis!
Love, Rudy
Lift your head up because God sees you and cares for you. Just because your partner isn’t making you feel of value doesn’t mean that you aren’t valuable— YOU ARE. Listen to yourself because you know what you know. Don’t force a family illusion just because you’re pregnant, if a healthy relationship is not there— it’s not there. (Plus, don’t put stress on the baby trying to chase John Doe.) There are other men who will treat you with value, so don’t settle. Also, keep journaling. One day you will look back and read what God delivered you from. It will get better for you— I promise. I see you’re praying to God… now follow his lead.
p.s. That smell was probably Bacterial Vaginosis (BV). Make sure you go to the doctor, and they will give you medicine to treat it.
Karidia Shelby 
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